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Hello all.

I am departing this server and waving goodbye to everyone who plays on it. I've had a lot of fun here, made a lot of friends and have a lot of memories. Hawk is a really good server and holds a very high position in my eyes. I have met a lot of kind, funny, nice people here and they've made me happy. But I simply don't enjoy playing on this server anymore. It's just extremely difficult to enjoy because of a number of factors. It's boring.

Being constantly called toxic is boring.
Being constantly called toxic for trying to show people I'm not toxic is boring. 
Being constantly hated for owning a clan is boring.
Being constantly hated for closing a clan that everyone hated is boring.
Being constantly picked on by staff circlejerking each other is boring. 
Being constantly segregated from other players by staff is boring.
Being constantly hated by angry people kicked from my clan is boring.
Being constantly accused of various things with no evidence is boring. 
Being constantly killed by hitmen ordered by staff to kill me every 2 minutes is boring.
Being constantly killed by staff going as hitmen and running around the server telling people to place a hit on me is boring. 
Being constantly kidnapped, mugged, raided by staff is boring.
Being constantly -repped by staff no matter what I do is boring.
Being constantly -repped by people who find it as a way to seek vengeance is boring.
Being constantly hated for debating against the -reps and describing my point of view is boring.
Being constantly hated by staff for reporting them for being biased against me is boring.

Well done staff team. You win. I'm leaving the server, you won't have to deal with me anymore, the server has magically become a less toxic place, everyone is happier. You win. I just can't put up with this anymore, and I have been extremely patient so far, but the situation isn't becoming any better. It's extremely stressful, as I'm trying my hardest to change people's opinion but people just provoke me for no reason. From snide remarks & comments on everything I say to publicly mocking me, I can't take it anymore, you've toed the line. 

Say whatever you want, I'm playing the victim card, I'm only pointing out one side of the conflict, I'm the most toxic person in existence and bully everyone. I really don't care. I'm deleting my forum account and I'm cutting all ties to Hawk. I'm moving to a server with a staff team that would appreciate my skills and value them instead of portraying them as flaws and shame me for the sake of maintaining a grudge and trying to win the conflict. You win.

No doubt, upon reading this, many of you will be celebrating, congratulating each other, jerking each other off. Whatever. 

I've tried my best with this server, but once a staff dislikes you, a staff dislikes you. There's no going back. They will badmouth you to all your friends who tell their friends, and it eventually ends up with random people on the server who don't even know me, hating my guts just in order to gain recognition and make a name for themselves. This has happened many times, and when I step up to them they just use it as evidence of me being a toxic person. 
Of course, it is possible to sit down with them and talk it through. But I just don't see this as an option for me, because I see all my actions as justified. I don't see anything to apologise for, and apologising for actions I stand strongly on will just weaken me. 

If staff have problems with my actions, why don't they speak with me? Why am I looked down upon for not talking to staff about my actions? That's stupid, but it still happens. Whenever a staff member does speak with me, it's more of a rant and a yell; change or else. If it's not a rant, then it's just a "What's been going on recently??? Why are you arguing with staff?????". I usually take chances like these to express my feelings to people I trust, but no, an admin took advantage of this by copy pasting everything I said about people and sending it to them, making the staff team's position stronger against me. 

It's gotten to the point where I can't trust staff at all, because it seems they will use any opportunity they can get to belittle me. 

I know for a fact if I didn't start ETF, I would be a staff member long ago. It's just a chain of things that's happened since ETF was founded that has made people hate me more and more. You have salty KZ staff having the urge to call our clan shit lmaoooooooooooooo every 5 minutes in OOC, because they perceive us a threat. I would not let people make a joke of my clan, allow people to consistently shit on its members for no good reason. This would require me to answer back to people in OOC, and the chain goes from there.

I thought I was doing a good deed by starting a clan; what are the negatives? I'm bringing people together to make friends, have a good time and work as a team. But no, as the leader of ETF, I am an "autistic fat faggot bitch who needs to die". Naturally, staff condone this, just walk past it saying "oof" or something, but when I do the same thing, less severely, I have 4 staff members up my ass telling me to change it or get banned. Get the fuck off me.

It's true and it's obvious, I wanted to become staff on this server because I really like this server. I wanted to support the server by contributing using my skills and activity, but some people had a huge problem with me becoming staff, and an easy way to minimize the chances and deteriorate public opinion just so happens to be my staff application. -rep toxic, -rep heard he was toxic, -rep immature. How about a fucking -rep because my friend told me to. These reps are impossible to deal with, there's nothing to deal with because I'm not toxic. In a real-life scenario, if people constantly accused you of being a rapist when you aren't, what are you meant to do? It's just a staple people who dislike me can use to attack me. From my very first app, many staff -repped me for my low forum count (even though it was above 20?) and my discord server score. This is inconsistent with staff +repping others despite them not meeting requirements.

Staff have too much control over things owners/managers/senior admins should have control of. It's evidently clear managers and owners really don't care about this server anymore, and everything boils down to staff's +reps and -reps. An application with a bunch of replies? Make a tally of the -reps and +reps without reading the application or finding out more about the applicant, then accept or deny. A suggestion with a bunch of replies? Make a tally of the -reps and +reps without reading the suggestion or finding out more about the suggestion, then accept or deny. I've never seen a staff team with managers & owners so reliant on their staff they're effectively controlled by them, because of their laziness. 

The staff team is so childish that in-game disagreements needs to reflect into their executive work. Let's take out an example, ELECTR0ZED. In my first couple applications, he allowed me to add him to referrers, +repped me saying positive things, etc. Then I made a report or two on him because of his incompetency when taking a sit or using ULX commands, and guess what; the next application he does a -rep toxic, even though I had done nothing toxic to him. In fact, it was him being toxic to me after the reports, such as him telling me to "shut the fuck up" in OOC after something I said in RP chat in mayor. 
I'm using this as an example because it truly highlights how staff can't resolve/handle things that have happened personally between people without using their powers to put the other person down. This has happened with other staff too, but this is the best example. 

I know for sure if I made a new steam account right now and went onto the server as a new player and acted the way I normally would and applied for staff, I would get accepted (after dickriding 10 staff for their reps of course). Staff aren't "evaluating my behaviour towards the community" or whatever the fuck they call it, they hate me.

Staff being toxic to players:
And of course KittyBlue being rude and calling a premium player a kid after they kindly asked for help on Discord.

See what I mean? It's extremely one-sided that staff can be toxic to players, but when players reply it's them who are labelled as toxic by staff. It infuriates how there are so many players riding dicks of incompetent staff just to get staff themselves. Like I mentioned, staff have the power and if you don't dick ride them, you're fucked either way.

Not all staff are bad though. Some saw this hypocrisy and stood up for me, but why should managers care? They just make a tally. It matters not the quality, but the quantity, the few voices that speak out are swarmed by the shitmins screeching with their "TOXIC REEE". From the staff team, special shoutout to Kai, Sorkbonkler (rip), Westy (sorry the premium's going to waste Sad ) and a few others.

Anyway, just the current composition and setup of the staff team really pisses me off and I hate being in this server and community. I'm picking everything up and moving elsewhere where I'd be appreciated. Managers, I hope this is a wake up call to actually start looking at who's administrating the server and what they're doing. 




bye steven starts to wave


Sad to see you go... Hope you have a better time in another place
I am not a registered sex offender


I didn't know you well but it's always sad to see a player to go, Hopefully you might consider and come back when you feel like the time is right.


Agree with a lot in this thread bro, hf with whatever you do

Ex-Discord manager for hawk ;-;
been moderating on taseedz servers for like 3-4 years
If you wanna talk: Discord tag Bahpu#1995



man i had a blast defending you but i gave up before you did X(

sorry to see you go, glad that you made the decision though.
still no-one who refuted my points, just kept clinging on TOXIC!!! and stopped responding after that, yet you were still denied :c
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Understandable. And a respectable decision at that; there's no point having to stick in a community where you are generally seen as a sign of negativity, because you won't be able to find any enjoyment in those people that see you as that either. Best of luck wherever life takes you.

Cya. Have a good one.
The one and only P5.


I agree with you on alot of things.
People sure have badmouthed you in the past.
Its rather sad, and yes, just like you said, childish.
I dindt get to meet you in-game/we did not meet alot, because of that alone, I cannot do much more than just to wish we had met in the past.
I hope you can find a server and start anew.

Later on, prietene.
Don't come close



Your reasons are very understandable. You tried your best, me and Sork tried to help you - it didn't work out.
Sad to see you go, hope you'll maybe join once in a while to say hello...

And keep in contact on Steam yah? ;c


didn't really know you but godbye i guess Sad
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