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Nixon's long-awaited chilli con carne recipe

Exclamation  (This post was last modified: 02-09-2018, 12:50 AM by 𝕹𝖎𝖝𝖔𝖓 🚮⭐.)

Nixon's long-awaited chilli con carne

IT'S HERE! THE LONG-AWAITED CHILLI CON CARNE RECIPE IS HERE. Fuck it. When I'm back at uni and I've got some spare time I'm gonna make cooking videos. Man's the next Gennaro Contaldo. 

Serves fucking loads. Freeze it and reheat it.


  • Extra virgin olive oil
  • Loadsa ground beef/beef mince (get it from the butchers - it's cheaper and tastes better)
  • Red kidney beans in chilli sauce (if not, just red kidney beans. Get the cunts tinned).
  • Microwaveable long grain rice (shit tastes the same as regular rice but it's faster).
  • 1 onion (or half an onion. Depends how much you like onions).
  • Honey
  • Worcester sauce
  • Sriracha sauce
  • Garlic powder
  • Chilli powder
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • 1-2 tins of chopped tomatoes
  • Paprika
  • Sugar
Make sure you've got a big pan lads. May as well use a wok. Have a wooden spoon on hand for mixing.

  1. Prepare the onion. Remove the skin and chop it up into tiny chunks.
  2. Whack the pan on the hob on a medium heat and wang some olive oil in there. Be generous with it. Wait for it to start spitting and shit.
  3. Put the onion in the pan and stir it round a bit.
  4. Add all your beef mince to the pan. Cut it up with the wooden spoon so it loosens a bit.
  5. Season with salt & pepper and add a teaspoon of paprika and garlic powder.
  6. Cook the mince until there's no pink left. The beef might start fucking leaking. Just keep cooking until it's all evaporated. Don't get the beef leakage confused with the oil. Just keep cooking until it doesn't look like a swimming pool.
  7. Empty 1-2 cans of chopped tomatoes into the pan.
  8. Add one teaspoon of sugar.
  9. Mix well, bring down the heat and let it simmer for about 20 minutes. Make sure to check up on it regularly and stir it. If the beef starts to dry out, add a tablespoon or two of water and ensure the heat is definitely on low.
  10. Drain the can of kidney beans
  11. Add the kidney beans and mix
  12. Grab your paprika. Add as much of that as you like.
  13. HOT: Heaped tablespoon of chilli powder. MILD: A bit of chilli powder.
  14. Salt and pepper time
  15. Little bit of garlic powder
  16. Add a few splashes of Worcester sauce. That shit good.
  17. Go crazy with the Sriracha sauce. It's the best sauce.
  18. Mix it
  19. Drizzle honey over the cunt. This'll sweeten it up a bit. You'll still have the heat and a good fuckin kick, but it'll take some of the painful intensity away. Balances it out really.
  20. Do your rice in the microwave. (Seriously that microwave rice is good).
  21. Plate up the rice.
  22. Dump the chilli on the rice.
Here's a bad picture from the first time I made it. Note the wateriness. That's because I added the tomatoes before all the beef leakage evaporated. Also note that you can't see the rice because the chilli completely encapsulates it.

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Next week we have chicken chasseur. Unfortunately the majority of you here won't be able to cook that one cause you have to buy white wine.
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Thank you
Blast - EX CM current DMT Manager
Please +rep or your triple gay
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Oh yess thanks

A promise is a promise until its broken 



Never had chilli con carne, looks like today is the day.
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